The <i>fugit amor</i> experience in the process of valuation: A self‐confrontation with an unreachable other

Abstract

This article shows the close relationship between self and other and has its focus on the fugit amor metaphor, i.e. the loving orientation to another person or object which is or has become unreachable. A self‐confrontation method which invites a person to self‐reflection on his or her everyday situation is described in detail. In applying this method in a group of clients, it was found that about 30 per cent of the people showed one or more fugit amor experiences. The method, presented for other research purposes as well, is an idiographic research instrument allowing a comparison of different people along nomothetic lines. This method is presented together with its background theory which distinguishes manifest and latent levels of personality organization. At the manifest level a great variety of valuations is conceived, where a valuation is anything a person finds important in his or her everyday situation. From the latent level a limited number of basic motives is assumed to influence the manifest level. With this distinction the phenomenological variety of important experiences and personal meanings can be analysed according to their underlying basic motivational structure. It is demonstrated how this model can be applied to an existential experience like fugit amor.