Selective Versus Unselective Romantic Desire: Not All Reciprocity Is Created Equal

Abstract

It is well established in nonromantic contexts that people tend to like individuals who like them (Kenny, 1994); in fact, such reciprocity of liking emerges even when individuals first meet for only a few minutes (Chapdelaine, Kenny, & LaFontana, 1994). Textbooks and common psychological lore frequently extend these findings to romantic liking, but the validity of this extension is unclear. When asked to recall a falling-in-love experience, individuals often report learning of another person’s affection shortly before developing passionate feelings in return (Aron, Dutton, Aron, & Iverson, 1989). Nevertheless, such retrospections can be misleading. Moreover, the opposite hypothesis—that potential romantic partners who play ‘‘hard to get’ ’ are desirable and individuals who demonstrate unconcealed romantic interest seem desperate and unappealing—is also plausible (for discussion, see Walster, Walster, Piliavin, &