On the Vicissitudes of Early Primary Surrogate Mothering II: Loss of the Surrogate Mother and Arrest of Mourning

Abstract

Among the catastrophic events experienced by infants and young children, one of the most frequent is the loss of an early primary surrogate mother (EPSM). Usually permanent, the loss is often followed by the advent of a new, "replacement" caregiver. One aspect of the emotional environment is unique to this kind of caregiving situation: that parents are often unable to validate the true nature of their child's relationship with the EPSM or, ultimately, the trauma experienced by the child when the EPSM leaves. The marked discrepancy between the parent's and the infant or child's experience of the surrogate mothering leads to an arrest of the child's mourning process, with the potential for serious developmental consequences. Issues related to EPSM loss and its aftermath are examined in the light of two examples. Further exploration of the environment of this kind of caregiving directs attention to the critical need to nurture and protect the attachments of both the infant or child and the parent to the ESPM.