Not Forgiven, Not Forgotten: An Investigation of Unforgiven Interpersonal Offenses

Abstract

Despite valuable lessons that may be learned about forgiveness from studying instances when people do not forgive, few investigations have directly targeted unforgiven offenses. The present study extends the literature on forgiveness by analyzing responses to open-ended questions in which 185 participants discussed interpersonal offenses they had not forgiven, explained why they did not forgive, and identified advantages and disadvantages of not forgiving. Unforgiven episodes varied substantially in type and severity, suggesting that people differ in their forgiveness thresholds. Additionally, analysis of participants' explanations for not forgiving highlighted the possibility that beliefs about forgiveness may sometimes impede forgiveness. Finally, most participants reported both costs and benefits associated with not forgiving. Implications for conceptualizing forgiveness and implementing forgiveness interventions are discussed.