“We've had the same loss, why don't we have the same grief?” loss and differential grief in families

Abstract

Abstract This article takes a constructivistlinterpretivist view of grief within the interactive, meaning-making system of the family. Grief is viewed as a multidimensional process of reconceptualization of reality, focusing on regaining stability and meaning after a loss, with family members using their ongoing relationship with each other to engage in that process. Families are seen as arenas of grief; they themselves do not grieve. Members, on the other hand, grieve in the context of their family. Differential grief is the tendency of family members to be dealing with different issues at varied points in their grief process and with sometimes contrasting styles. This pattern of grieving within families is far more common in families than is matched grieving, and can lead to added pain, especially if the expectation is that members, having had the same loss, will grieve in the same way. Yet in order to maintain the family as a functioning entity, family members must recognize the loss, reorganize after the loss, and reinvest in the family.